9) Reflect on what it takes to be in a great relationship
Men have a built-in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to be satisfied in a relationship. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.
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A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
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How To Let Go: 3 Ways To Get Back To Manifesting
How To Get Back To Manifesting Step #1:
Trust The Process
Letting go is simply TRUST in action. You can say (or think) you believe in the Law of Attraction all you want but if you don’t display your ability to trust, then you’re not really letting it happen! Actions are a lot louder than words baby!
Manifesting is a process of co-creation. You decide on what you want and you put in your cosmic order. Then you TRUST that the Universe will do the rest. You TRUST that you will receive guidance about what to do or where to go next. You TRUST that the Universe is always communicating with you and sending you signals and that you really just have to follow the trail of breadcrumbs that’s happening for you right now.
When you don’t trust in the Universe, your eyes, heart and mind will not be open to those signs! You will be stuck back in the boring old Newtonian view of the world where you need to do X and Y in order to get Z. You will miss the magical shortcut in the middle because you won’t be able to see it! Switching your outlook to the quantum reality requires a leap of faith but it’s necessary to make it all happen.
How To Get Back To Manifesting Step #2:
Trust Yourself
Because when it comes down to it, so many of our manifesting “problems” are due to our own feelings of inadequacy! It’s one thing to consciously desire something; it’s quite another to believe it on all levels.
A lack of trust in ourself usually plays out by pushing ourselves because subconsciously we’re still trying to EARN our desire. We don’t feel good enough exactly as we are so we do the things we think we’re supposed to do to help things along.
While it’s true that (almost) all manifestation success stories require work, the problem here is that pushing/striving energy comes from a place of desperation–not confidence. The action that really works to help our manifestations is always inspired action, which comes from a place of trust.
How To Get Back To Manifesting Step #3:
Step Into Receiving
I say this with love because I’m one of you. (Scorpio! Duh!) But it was a great surprise to me to learn that receiving was something I had trouble with! I’m used to doing a LOT of work, used to organizing things my way, used to calling the shots. Letting other people do things for me still makes me uncomfortable at times! (I’m working on this.) I used to be deeply uncomfortable with anyone even buying me a drink!
That story might sound COMPLETELY unrelated to the art of manifesting but it’s actually not. Part of asking the Universe for help is ACCEPTING the help when it comes. You can’t look at what turns up and say “Oh that’s not EXACTLY what I was expecting so I’m going to ignore it and keep doing what I’m doing.” You can’t micromanage the magic!
If you truly want your intention, you must also say YES to it! You have to accept the help you’re being given! If you keep slamming the door in the Universe’s face, it’s going to get the message.
So take a deep breath and release your intention, then do what you need to do: listen and look for divine signs, follow the path in front of you and leave space for something wonderful to happen.
Letting go is one of the biggest Jedi mind-tricks you must master in order to manifest your desires. It’s tricky territory but it’s also totally achievable, especially with practice!
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About Jenn
Hey there Goalgetter! I’m Jenn – Bestselling Author of The Mindful Witch | Healer + Coach and I teach modern manifestation techniques that actually work. (No spiritual bypassing BS!)
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When it comes to negative things, part of letting go is self-esteem and forgiving yourself. If you can accept that you’re human and will do stupid things from time to time, letting go can come easier.
That’s where it gets interesting. Even traumatic experiences actually only last a short time. But remembering a traumatic experience is an experience in itself, and a single memory can condition many such experiences, even years later. We tend to spend much more of our lives mentally reliving traumatic experiences than we do actually experiencing them.
This is where mindfulness training is extremely helpful. It helps us recognize that memories and our reactions to are just that — mental and emotional activity happening right here right now. The event from the past has not come back, but rather we are noticing a new experience triggered by a memory of the trauma, which can be dealt with as a present-moment phenomenon. They can still be painful, but it completely changes the severity of the experience to recognize it as mental activity happening right here, now, in this room, rather than a past event that is haunting you.
Yes, that makes sense. There is a tail of mental imagery, associations, emotions, and then more on top of that. Once we realize that every moment is here and it is possible to experience it here (in peace), even when the mind and body might be going through tumultuous recollections. Just realizing that it is the mind, can help. This helps break the feedback loop between mind and body in such situations.
But there is a residue (again this is my mind speaking, which does not like certain experiences), and there might be some time needed to recover — for me, it means take time off, be by myself. Also I have noticed, old emotions — fear and anger (they can be the same), often times because they are unpleasant, and in the case of anger, it feels unwieldy to experience out in front of everyone, there is a tendency to suppress it. I usually end up writing, or if I am by myself, going to the shower, just expressing my anger by making sounds or yelling, if that is the only way to move the stuck feeling.
Yes, totally agreed… realizing it is the mind is the first step, and sometimes even then we need to withdraw so as not to become overwhelmed. In the buddhist perspective, that feedback looping and residue is referred to generically as “causes and conditions”. Events and the thoughts/emotions we have about them give rise to more thoughts and recurring thought patterns. The remedy is to train the mind to recognize them, in their moment of arising, as passing thought/emotion experiences, thereby deconditioning them from recurring so frequently, and from troubling us as much when they do. Ultimately, nothing happens but present moment experience.
Such a well explained post, David, and a very important topic. Mindfulness meditation sharpens our awareness and helps us notice when we are clinging to the past (or future) and once we are aware, we can practice letting go and free ourselves from the pain and suffering. Of course there are so many levels and it’s good to start with the “easier” ones. Abhijeet’s comments and your reply touches on the deeper challenges of (just) letting go. I think as long as we realize that it’s not about quick fixes, we can patiently and kindly even let go of traumatic experiences from the past. Thank you!
I guess that’s the overall lesson here — letting go is possible but there is no quick fix. It’s a matter of letting things happen in their own time. It is, however, much quicker to let go in this organic way than our usual method of drawing things out by fighting with them. Often drastically quicker, like fifty times quicker. But we never control quite how quick.
Great piece on mindfulness. Meditation is something I’ve been struggling with and I think mostly because I’ve been trying too hard which is the opposite goal of meditation and leads to frustration with myself. Which is why I appreciate how you break it down in a practical manner especially when you talk about noticing and fully concentrating on the little things we do every day. It’s a great way to start training your mind on stoping the inner mental chatter even if it’s just for a moment which then you can build upon later on for a successful meditation practice.
Always a pleasure to read your insight. Thanks.
Trying too hard is definitely the number one problem people have with meditation. The basic issue is this: mindfulness practice means training ourselves to recognize and allow present moment experience. But our basic impulse is to try to change or control our experience. So we get uptight about becoming relaxed, we get agitated about trying to be calm. Progress is made by regularly, repeatedly, progressively relaxing that impulse to change what is happening, breath by breath.
Excellent post, David. Experiencing a negative emotion or memory as a present bodily experience is extremely effective. Consciously relaxing any physical tension associated with the emotion or memory, and sensing the flow of the released energy, is indeed a healing experience.
Resource:
https://hackspirit.com/how-to-let-go-of-someone-you-love/
https://www.thealignedlife.co/how-to-let-go-manifesting/
https://www.raptitude.com/2018/07/let-go/